


Love Blooms in the Wake of Trauma

by HiddenViolet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Supportive Sam Winchester, Understanding Castiel, nothing explicit though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 02:51:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14684919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenViolet/pseuds/HiddenViolet
Summary: Dean joins a rape support group and slowly falls in love with the cute owner of a coffee shop.





	Love Blooms in the Wake of Trauma

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is my submission to this years ASMB. I didn't quite turn out the way I had planned but here it is anyway. I hope that you guys enjoy it anyway.

Dean shifted nervously and stared out of the window at the doors leading into Angel’s coffee shop. Sam gently nudged his shoulder and gave him an encouraging smile. Dean tried to return it but it was more shaky than anything else.

“You know Dean you can do this a different day. They have meetings every week.” Dean shook his head and fidgeted for a moment.

“No Sam, if I don’t do this this week I won’t ever do it. Thanks Sam, for being so supportive.” Dean’s voice gave a soft crack on the last word and he took a deep breathe before he lost it. Then he stepped of the impala and shut the door hurriedly, lest he lose his nerve. After he went into the shop it was immediately obvious which group of people he was going to be joining and he took a seat.

He watched as other people filed in and waited for the meeting to begin. He was just about to talk himself into bolting when the leader of the group, Missouri, took her seat and gathered the attention of the people waiting for her. She waited for everyone to have their seat and then began to speak.

“Hello all, it is good to see everyone who made it this week and it looks like we have a new face. You want to go ahead and introduce yourself sweetheart,” the comment obviously directed at Dean. He took a deep breath.

“Er, hello I’m Dean.” Even those words were tough to push out, all words had been since the incident. He had only regularly spoken to Sam, and even that version of regular was still only once a day. Missouri sent him an encouraging smile and then had people begin to tell their stories. He listened to everyone’s accounts without a word to anyone until the meeting was over. Afterwards Missouri came up to him and pulled him into a hug.

“That was wonderful sugar. I am so proud of you and I am so proud that you were able to make it to this meeting. You are wonderful boy and don’t you ever forget it. Now go on home to your brother and maybe next week we will get 10 words out of you,” Missouri said to him with a pat on the butt. He quickly scurried out to where Sam was waiting for him in the impala, not even noticing the curious eyes.

 

Castiel almost always got Wednesdays off from work at Angel’s but this week Ana had been sick and he had needed to cover for her. He hated working the days that the rape support group had their meeting. Not because he was against it, the complete opposite was true actually, he had been the one to suggest that they use Angel’s. It was just hard for him to imagine that there was so much evil in the world that they even need a group like that.

He watched as people began to file in and start separate conversations with each other. He was surprised that Missouri hadn’t started the meeting yet and looked around for her. She was standing at the window looking out at the street, as if she was waiting for someone. He glanced at the group and noticed that all of the regulars were there, so there probably was a new person coming today.

This theory was confirmed when a handsome man entered Angel’s and walked  over to where the rest of the group was milling around. Castiel was stunned when he laid eyes on the man though. He was attractive is a way that very few men were, bordering on pretty. He had beautiful green eyes that seemed to glow, light brown hair and a stout build. He wasn’t very tall but seemed to have an inner strength that radiated outward. He caught the introduction and was happy to have a name to go with the face.

It made Castiel wonder why exactly Dean was part of this group. How on earth had Dean allowed himself to be raped. Castiel figured that he had to have been drugged. It was the only way that it could have happened. Almost immediately he felt ashamed of his thoughts, Dean didn’t need a stranger theorizing on his past. It really wasn’t fair. As the meeting wore on Dean didn’t speak other than to introduce himself. This wasn’t unusual for people’s first meeting. Although he was mostly silent, he was far from checked out. It was very apparent that he was listening to everything that everyone shared.

After the meeting was over he saw Dean make a beeline for the door. He almost went out to introduce himself but resisted the urge. He saw Missouri go and speak to him and watched as she hugged him. It wasn’t rare for Missouri to hug her group members but she usually waited until she at least knew them a little better. That meant that they probably already knew each other. After the meeting had really ended and all of the people had left to go home, Castiel went over to speak to Missouri about the new guy.

“Hey Missouri I noticed that you have a new member in your group. His name was Dean wasn’t it?”

“Oh ho, look at you boy getting all interested in my new member. I would encourage you to go after him but I think that you are going to have to wait a couple of weeks until he is feeling a bit better and is willing to open up more to the rest of us. But you just wait. I specifically wanted him in this group because I think that the two of you would be a wonderful pair together.”

“What’s his story?” Missouri looked sad for a moment and then gave a world weary sigh.

“I can tell you that he lost his mother very young in a house fire and that his father might as well have died along with her for all the help he was to the boys. Dean basically raised his little brother by himself. Then his father goes ahead and drinks himself into an early grave. Tough on the boys but I think that it was probably better for them. Then this goes and happens. Poor boy can’t seem to catch a break. But you wait a few weeks and I think that you could be very good for him.”

“Well I think it is a little fast to be pairing us up when we haven’t even talked to each other, but if you want me to, I can go ahead and continue to work these days. He is a very handsome man and there is just something about him that pulls me in.”

 

“How was the meeting Dean,” Sam asked glancing over at his brother on the way home. Dean met his eyes for a moment and then dropped them, the shame he couldn’t seem to shake coming to the forefront.

“It was alright.” Sam sighed the short answer but knew that he wasn’t going to get much more than that out of his brother. He drove them both back to the house and then pulled into the drive. He almost asked if Dean was going back next week but he didn’t want to risk Dean retreating even further at the pressing. When they had entered the house Sam set about preparing them dinner.

 Originally, both when they were young and after Sam had graduated from law school, Dean had done all of the cooking. The necessity of learning in his childhood, in an attempt to take care of his brother, had turned it into a habit. As well as the 20+ years he had spent cooking for his family meant that out of the two of them he was the better cook.

But the incident had killed his appetite and made him very listless so Sam had taken up all of the cooking. His wife was up in her office finishing up some paperwork they needed for a case they were on. Jess, hearing the entrance of her husband and his brother left the study and went over to where they were standing. First she kissed her husband and then she went ahead and hugged Dean.

He tensed for a single minute but then relaxed into her hold. It was obvious he wasn’t completely comfortable with the touch but he allowed it. He allowed it because she was his brother’s wife and she was not a man. These days the only man that was allowed to touch Dean was his brother. Even their long-time friend and adopted uncle Bobby couldn’t get near him without Dean freaking completely out. Sam shared a look with his wife and Jess led Dean out of the kitchen by the hand.

Sometimes she had better luck with getting him to talk and she at least was going to try. She sat him on the sofa and carded her fingers through his hair. He gave a soft, nearly content, sigh at the attention and allowed her to pull him close.

“You want to talk about how the meeting went sweetheart?” Dean looked uncertainly at her and chewed on his lip than he nodded.

“It went okay. Everyone was really nice and no one said anything about the fact that I’m a man.” The last bit trailed off into whisper. She rubbed his back and smiled at the response, if only for the fact that it was more than two words long.

“I told you that everyone there would be nice to you. Maybe next time you will tell your story. If there is going to be a next time.” At her questioning look he begun to ask himself if there would be a next time. He had liked listening to the other people talk about their experiences and it had made him feel as though he weren’t so alone in this. However, if he went to more meetings they would probably expect him to do some talking. He wasn’t quite sure if he would be able to do that.

He did miss talking though. He missed being able to flirt with a girl, and joke with his brother and mock Sam to Jess. Although he didn’t think that he would ever be able to go to a bar to meet and chat with people, he would like to carry on a conversation. Just one meeting had helped him get into a little more talking. Dean figured that going to more meetings was probably a good idea so he gave her a decisive nod. She smiled at him and returned to helping Sam with dinner.

 

The group met every Wednesday and Castiel found himself looking forward to those days. The second meeting that Dean attended, he didn’t speak very much, again keeping to himself. The third meeting he attended, he was able to engage with some of the other regulars about their stories. It seems that fourth time was the charm, because finally Dean opened up and told his story. Castiel listened with an attentive ear as Dean talked about his past, and it broke his heart.

“Hello, I’m Dean and two months ago, I was r-raped.” Missouri gave him an encouraging smile and his words became stronger as he talked longer. “I used to like going to bars and meeting people. I loved to meet people and hear about their lives, you know. Everyone had such an interesting story and I liked to know all about them. I would play pool, have a beer or two and just chat with people.” He took another deep steeling breath. This was, after all, the most words he had spoken since the incident. It seemed that they wouldn’t be stopped though,  as the words continued to pour out of his mouth.

“It was just a regular night at the bar. I never took anyone home, that’s not, I mean, I don’t really like that you know. I just like to talk to people. There was one guy there who was a little more interested than anybody usually was. He struck up a conversation. I didn’t even think about it when he bought me a drink. I just thought that he was being nice. Lots of the people that I talk to like to buy me a drink.” He broke off at that point his eyes moving downwards in shame and Castiel’s heart ached. It was hard for women to admit to themselves that they hadn’t been able to stop it, what was it like for a physically strong man?

“He propositioned me. I told him no. I told him that that wasn’t why I was there and that I was just there to make conversation with people. He had this strange look on his face for a moment, one that I couldn’t place. I thought that maybe he thought I was leading him on. He demanded to know why I didn’t want to go home with him and I explained that. I’m, I’m asexual and sex-repulsed. I always have been. He told me that it didn’t matter that I would enjoy it, if it was with him. He slipped something into my drink.” Once again he broke off, his fingers fiddling in his lap.

“That’s alright sugar. You have said more than enough. Anybody want to give Dean some encouragement?” One girl, who was nearly as quiet as Dean was the one to speak up.

“You are entitled to not want to have sex. You are entitled to tell someone no, and that bastard can go to hell! Just because you are a man, that doesn’t mean you have to put out every time that someone wants you to. You are not weak, he is weak. For having to drug and rape someone just to get off.” The flurry of words surprised everyone who knew her but they seemed to have an amazing influence on Dean.

He gave her a shy smile and Castiel fell in love with him right then and there.

It wasn’t hard to do. It was obvious to Castiel that Dean was the kind of person that people tripped over themselves to go out with. Handsome, intelligent, laid back. The meeting seemed to invigorate Dean and he nearly skipped out of the café on his way to where his brother was waiting for him. Castiel watched him go.

“You know, with this break-through I am sure that Dean would do well if he had some support that wasn’t pressuring him for a romantic relationship but would be open to it in the future.” Castiel rolled his eyes at the matchmaking but thought that maybe he would try and at least get to know him better.

 

Dean was feeling happy for the first time in months. He damn near skipped out of the café and joined his brother in the car. He gave Sam a brilliant smile and Sam smiled back at him.

“What has you so lively and excited?”

“I spoke today! I spoke during the meeting and I told them my story and explained to them what happened and they all listened. One girl gave me encouragement. They listened to me Sam! They didn’t call me a liar or weak, they just listened to what I had to say.” Sam returned the smile but his was more relieved than anything else. The past months had seen an undeniable change in his brother and it finally seemed as though Dean were getting his feet back under him. He couldn’t help but be thankful that Dean was finally starting to recover.

The next meeting was interesting for Dean. He had known for some time that one of the workers at the café had been watching him. At first he had believed that it was just curiosity on the part of the worker but it never faded and it should have made him nervous. It should have, but it didn’t. For one, Missouri would never allow someone like the people that attacked them near the group. For another, he was really good at reading people.

It was only his ignoring his instincts that allowed for the incident to happen. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again and his instincts were telling him that the guy was fine. He wondered how long it was going to take the guy to get up the nerve to talk to him and he got his answer at the end of the fifth meeting. Now that he had finally told his story and he knew that he wasn’t going to be rejected, Dean began to speak more during the group meeting. It was afterward that the guy finally approached him.

The meeting had managed to return a lot of Dean’s natural confidence in just a little time, so he was more than ready to start with a little bit of cheekiness. Not a lot mind you, just a little. Just enough to give the indication that he was beginning to get his feet back under him. Therefore, when the guy walked over to him to begin to talk to him, Dean gave him a faint smile and a snarky comment.

“I was wondering if you were ever going to come and talk to me or if you were just going to pine from afar.” The man gave a light blush and held out his hand for Dean to shake.

“I’m Castiel. I am one of the owners and operators of this cafe and I have wanted to come and talk to you the first time that you came to one of the meetings. I was unsure of how I would be received though. I know that coming to these meetings, especially the first time, is really tough. Missouri figured that you were at least up to a little bit of socializing though so here I am. Dean smiled at Castiel and decided to introduce himself properly.

“I’m Dean, although your probably already know this from listening to our meetings and talking to Missouri. I would love to stay and talk more but I promised my brother I would be out right away and he is probably waiting for me in the car.”

“Right, right. I was just wondering if maybe you would like to get coffee with me at some point in the future. There doesn’t have to be any strings or expectations but I would really like to get to know you and from what you said from before you like to get to know people. I’m a person.” Dean couldn’t help but snort at the way that Castiel had said that. As though it wasn’t obvious.

He chewed his lip for a moment unsure if he really wanted to do this. The last time he had been out with a man it had ended very badly. But he missed being his old self. He missed being confident and outgoing. He must have looked really unsure as Castiel was quick to help him out.

“You know, I work next Wednesday, you could think on it for a week and then maybe tell me at the next meeting. Like I said, no expectations no strings, just a cup of coffee between two people who would like to get to know each other.” Dean smiled at the considerate way that Castiel was giving him more time and found himself delighted that he might have a chance to get back to normal.

“Alright then, I will tell you next week. Bye Castiel.” Dean gave a little wave and left the coffee shop, acting just a little bit like a teenage girl. It was hard to think of himself as someone who was physically attractive, as he never saw himself that way. However, it was still uplifting when he learned that someone thought he was handsome. It was an even bigger mood boost when someone wanted to get to know him for his personality and not just his good looks.

Sam was waiting for him in the car and looked pretty surprised to see his brother skipping along with a real smile on his face. Dean climbed into the impala and smiled at his brother. Even happier than the last time he had left the meeting. Again, Sam found himself thankful that he had convinced Dean to give it a try. It really was helping.

“What has you so happy?”

“One of the guys who works and the coffee shop wants to take me out and actually get to know me!”

“Are you sure that you are ready for that,” Sam inquired, a little worried because it seemed to be such a 180 change from the past few months.

“That was the best part of the whole interaction. He was completely willing to give me time to figure out whether or not I wanted to go on a cute little coffee date. He was understanding of the fact that even though it isn’t a hard decision, it is for me.” Sam gave a smile at Dean’s enthusiasm and found it just a little bit infectious.

 

Castiel had found himself trying to work up the courage to go and talk to Dean. It seemed however, that he was not nearly as subtle as he seemed to think as Dean made his way to him before Castiel had the chance. Then the cheaky little shit goes and makes a snarky comment. Seeing a glimpse of what Dean had been like before he had been raped made Castiel just fall in love with him more.

How could he not? Clever and funny. He was basically perfect in every way. The blurted out invitation made Castiel want to kick himself. What if Dean wasn’t ready? What if he wasn’t interested and just humoring him? What if it turned out that they hated each other? It seemed that his mouth had no off switch as he began to babble about choices and strings.

It was really a surprise that Dean said he would think about it. Castiel really just assumed that he would say not and be done with it. It seemed that his combination of pathetic pining, ridiculous rambling and general dorkiness finally worked as Dean said he would think about it.

For both Castiel and Dean the week seemed to just drag by. They both couldn’t wait until Wednesday which was unusual for both, as they used to dread Wednesdays. It was Wednesday and Dean was excited for more than one reason. Sam, for the first time in months, was going to let him drive the impala to his meeting. That meant that he would be able to say for as long as he wanted and that he also didn’t have to get Sam to drive him everywhere.

He also got his baby back.

Sam rolled his eyes but gave Dean the keys anyway. Dean was nearly hopping up and down, so far this was a good day.

The coffee shop was a little more crowded than usual so Dean wasn’t able to see Castiel before the meeting. However, after to a very helpful meeting, at least for Dean, the rush had slowed down enough that they were able to go ahead and have their conversation. Dean gave a soft smile as Castiel approached him with a fresh cup of coffee and a similar smile.

“I think that we should go to a corner table. It will give us a little bit of privacy while we talk.” This particular comment was directed at Missouri who had stood just a little ways away, listening to their conversation. Dean nodded in agreement and followed Castiel to the corner table. And if said table just happened to be tucked behind a well placed half wall and a large potted plant, well then it was just a coincidence.

“So what do you think about my offer,” Castiel’s question betrayed his nervousness and Dean had the sudden urge to drag it out a bit. Like he would have done before, but he lost his courage at the last minute and just decided to put the guy out of his misery.

“I would very much like to go on a proper coffee date. By which I mean, someplace other than here and some other time besides right after a meeting.” Castiel’s nod may have been a little eager but Dean was the only one there to tell and he was too flattered by it to mention it to anybody.

 

Their first date was probably the most awkward in all of recorded history.

Although the two of them had been mutually staring creepily at each other, they had been mutually staring creepily at each other instead of going to talk to each other. That meant that neither of them really knew the person that they were on a date with. Add in the fact that there was a lot of bad history to try and tiptoe around, at least on Dean’s side, they had some trouble with the conversation.

That as until Castiel mentioned that he really liked to watch Dr. Sexy MD. That was the moment that Dean knew that he had made a very good decision. The two of them spent nearly an hour gushing over their favorite bits of the show and at no point discussed any of the details of their personal lives. It wasn’t until they had both gone home that they realized that although they knew each other’s favorite episodes, they had no idea about anything else.

Dean thought it was the perfect start to the relationship.

In all of the past ones he had felt as though he had to learn everything about the person in a week. Then he needed to make sure that he remembered it all and could recall it in the most important situations. Dean liked people, but there was no way in hell he was going to remember all of the personal details in someone’s life after having only known them for a month.

Their first date was an awkward mess.

Their second date though, that was an unmitigated disaster. The two of them had decided to watch Dr. Sexy MD over at Cas’s place. Castiel had thought it was a good idea. That is usually how disasters start. He had thought that some food, a few sodas and their shared love of the show would make an excellent date. He hadn’t planned on a few things however. Such as the fact that Dean wasn’t at all ready to be alone with a man that he barely knew, at the man’s house. The fact that one of the episodes they watched involved one of the doctor’s treating a woman who had been raped.

Suffice to say that Dean had gone to the bathroom and climbed out the window. Castiel had gone looking for him and realized what had happened and what the problem was and started kicking himself. Then Dean had felt guilty for running away instead of confronting his problems like he should, like Sam always said.

The next three dates were much more low-key and Dean finally began to relax around Castiel. It was soon apparent that the two of the were very much suited to each other. Sam, who had been reluctant initially about Dean getting into a relationship, eventually settled down some and began to approve as Dean began to improve.

That was what led them to where they were then. The two them were at the Starcrack bar. The one that all those months ago Dean had been hurt. It had been a year since Dean had been raped and he finally found that he was ready to confront the past. To conquer it so that he could get on with his life.

Dean was nearly shaking with fear as he approached the door. He couldn’t believe that he was actually going to be doing this. Castiel gave him a worried look and took his hand. Dean shot him a smile that was more shaky and terrified than the confident that he wanted to portray. 

“You know that if you don’t want to or can’t do this then we can go home right. There is no set timeline for recovery. You just need to do what you need. I mean it Dean. Say the word and we will be in the car and gone.” Dean sighed and shook his head. Then he squared his shoulders and through his head back.

“No, I can do this. I need to do this. I am tired of living in that monsters shadow, its time to take my life back.” With those words he marched up to the door of the bar and opened it. Castiel was quick to follow after him wanting to lend him the support that he was going to need to do this.

The bar was crowded like it had been that night but surprisingly it didn’t scare Dean they way that he thought it would. Castiel was right there at his side ready to help in case anything went wrong. He took a deep breath and began the biggest part of his therapy. Getting past the memory itself. He smiled at Castiel and nodded then left his boyfriend’s side to find a seat at the bar.

Castiel approached him with a smile, playing the part of a stranger and asked if he could buy him a drink. Dean nodded and tried to remember that it was just Castiel. That no one was going to hurt him here. It was a bit tough but he manage to keep his head. When they got to the flirting bit, Dean made sure that he was firm in his no. Even though it was just Castiel.

That was the biggest place that he had thought he had gone wrong. Not being firm enough. He was though. He was firm this time and they pushed through the scene. Finally, Castiel offered to walk Dean to his car. The night may have started the way that that one a year ago had, but it was going to end different. Instead of wooziness and a back alley, Dean was going to remember a nice guy, taking no for an answer and walking him to his car. Giving him back the confidence that he lost.

While they were walking, Dean thought back on the past year. They had had their ups and downs but here they were. He would never have imagined it working out this way. He hadn’t even thought he would be able to get past the trauma, let alone find a nice guy in the coffee shop where his support group was. It did really prove the age old proverb.

You really do find love in the strangest of places and the worst of times.


End file.
